What is it?

What makes you get up every morning? Sometimes even before the alarm goes off. What makes you sit down at your desk, without even taking a look in the mirror? Is it an act of free will, or more like sense of duty that won't leave you alone? Is it the same thing that made me pick my major in school, the same thing that made me move to Korea? 

Sometimes, out of nowhere, these questions hit me and prevent me to go on with whatever I was doing. I feel numb, in the head, unable to concentrate on work, on words, on whatever. Sometimes it's like that. And then I sit there, narrowing my eyebrows, wondering what it is. I think about my goals, my plans, think about my friends and my family, too. 

How come I'm thousands of kilometers away from them? I haven't spoken to my brother in months. Multiply that and I've spoken to him twice since I came here. And that's the truth, the bloody truth. We're close, especially since we've grown up to be our own persons, and I've spoken to him twice. What is it that makes me tick these days? I wonder.